For the quest of perfection, are we selling ourselves short? Why do we feel we are not good enough?
I have pondered on this thought and, as usual, my brain takes me on many adventures to find some answers.
Recently I have been shown the amazing technology of AI and how it can help polish my emails, social media posts and soften my direct and clunky grammar. Ironically, even as I am writing this, my phone is asking me “Do you need help writing this?”. Usually, I might feel AI is rescuing me, however in this moment, for this particular piece of writing, I am filled with irritation and thoughts of, “Just leave me alone for a minute, I’m trying to think, without your interference”.
I have never been great with spelling or grammar, I even remember the only time I faked illness and skived off school was when I was about 7 years old, all because of a spelling test I was worried about. I wonder what I missed out on that day at Primary School? What joys of playing with friends, making crafts, running around carefree in the playground, all because I was scared of not being good enough. Another, “Try harder, Wendy” when I was already trying as hard as I could and I still didn’t get it. Looking back, I’m not surprised my little self thought it was easier to avoid the spelling test by faking sickness. Avoidance is certainly easier than the emotions attached to getting something wrong, in this instance I was scared that I couldn’t please the teacher and the class would laugh at me.
Fast forward to the present day. I’m writing all natures of creative pieces, and I have AI politely asking me if I need help. Here’s me thinking, “I feel ok. I think I’ve got this, thanks”. Then doubt sets in, “actually, you probably can do it better than me”. In that moment, I am giving up on my own abilities and handing it over to something that is unquestionably much smarter than myself. However, I am also handing over my personality, creativeness, room to grow, learn and improve myself – my humanness.
Is AI making my inner child part feel insecure and that AI is the better more knowing Parent? Maybe it is, however, I sometimes love watching the imagination, creativity, carefree fun and wholesomeness that only real children and adults in their Free Child Ego states can do. This is the wonderful time we learn from testing, trying and making mistakes.
My worry for AI is it is quick, effortless and too easy. Of course, we can pump out things tens of times faster, and at first glance we have improved the quality. Yet after a while, the AI versions all start to look and sound too similar. Too perfect.
Thinking about how much I love old buildings with their quirky windows, intricate detailing and elaborate brick work. Over the years we have increased productivity at the detriment of losing this character. Modern quickly erected breeze blocked square buildings with flat finishes. I once read that the wood that is used in new builds is not as strong. It is grown quickly to keep up with the impatient demands. Old growth wood has more tightly packed growth rings, making it more stable and stronger. This makes me think, taking short cuts sometimes costs a price further down the line.
As an aging lady, the amount of pressure that I feel to remain as youthful and smooth as possible. Constant adverts on my phone showing me ways on how to look younger.
Life would be incredibly dull if every tree or cloud looked the same. Can you imagine if every beautiful species of bird all started to look the same, so we only had peacocks walking around looking glamorous? I personally would miss all the variety.
I will continue to struggle with my battle of not being good enough, however, I have hope that the cheerleading voice in my head will continue its own inner work, remaining strong and courageous, keeping me on my own path, leading my own life and being grateful for my own individuality. I am not a computer, I am not a robot, I make mistakes, I get things wrong, I am different, I am me.
We can never be everyone’s cup of tea. Perfect doesn’t exist, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And as I like old buildings, you may prefer the newer style and that is wonderful. We always need variety.
I wonder how many of us miss out on things, like the day I missed at primary school. What do we stop ourselves from doing out of the worry we won’t be accepted for who we are?
Will I continue to use AI? Yes, it’s very useful. Then what has been the point of this? I do not claim to have the solution and can only express my thoughts on it and my thinking tells me, use AI when necessary, however not to the extent that it replaces my own creativity and abilities. As my mum always says, “Everything in moderation”.
